Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
