I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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