we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
