dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
