Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
