I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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