i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
