3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
