Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You need a sexual gate keeper
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
