ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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