Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
