8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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