I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
