Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
