Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
