i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
