people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
