On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
