no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
