My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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