We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
