I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
