for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
