you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
