my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
