I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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