Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
