theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
