Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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