Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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