There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
