After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
