I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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