see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
