I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
