wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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