I wish life had little blips of pornography
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
