we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
