The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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