hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
