I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
