I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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