why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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