I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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