he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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