the condom got lost in my hair
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
