dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
