So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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