I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
