We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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