Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
