Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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