I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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