drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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