i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
