I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
