There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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