I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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