life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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