Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
