I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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