Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
