Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
