I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
