my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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