i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
